One week

So, just over a week since the miscarriage. What a rollercoaster.

Tuesday I went to see Dr. L. I wanted to cancel the appointment, but I'm glad I went. She was very supportive and did an external exam: my cervix was closed, which was good, and my uterus felt nearly empty, which meant there wasn't anything trapped inside that could lead to a D&C. Means everything passed naturally.

Jay came with me (surprised me in the waiting room, actually, which was really nice. She ran an hour behind schedule and there were 3 babies and a pregnant lady there. Not something I wanted to face along. Then he stayed in the room for the exam, which was a first for both of us.

I'm going for an ultrasound on Tuesday to make sure there is nothing left inside me - to rule out a D&C for sure & try to make sure there are no complications for next time. I'm going to the new hospital for the ultrasound, not the IWK where they send all the moms-to-be. Better this way, I think.

It's still really hard to see babies of pregnant bellies or listen to baby news. I know I'll get to try again, but it's still devastating. Jay is being mostly supportive, but I don't think he grasps how traumatic this whole thing has been. I felt our baby bleed away, helpless to do anything.

I'm mostly finished bleeding now, which is a relief. I almost could convince myself that my period was simply late, that we were never pregnant at all. But bleeding for 8+ days is not a normal period, so that fantasy got blown apart.

D, M & C are all expecting, C next month and the others in 4-5 months. I'm excited and happy for them, but it's harts to be around them as it's all baby talk. D knows about our loss but the others don't, so it's pretty sucky.

Life goes on. Rationally, I know that doesn't make the process any easier, though.

Update

No baby. Started cramping and bleeding around 12:30. Went to the doctor. Bloodwork results showed HcG levels of 58 at 4 weeks, should have been well over 500.