December 26, 2008

Elliot got several floor mats with different roads/buildings/houses on them. One is called "Funky Town". He was saying it almost perfectly for a while. Now he's dropped the 'n'.

Oops!

December 11, 2008

Thirty-minute naps SUCK!!!!!!!!!

Felix usually has 1 or 2 half hour naps in the morning, a 1.5-3 hour nap in the afternoon (on me) and often another half hour nap around 5/5:30 and then is asleep for the night (on me) by 7:30/8.

Today has ONLY been half hour naps. And only 4 of them so far, too. He's flippin' exhausted. Of course, today isn't a daycare day, so E is home. No lounging on the couch with a sleeping babe for me! Usually, he gets an ok but solid nap when E goes down. Today, E was down for 3 hours but nope, F still did a 30-minute stint on me. Little bugger.

December 9, 2008

Elliot threw his cups on the floor this morning, so I made him pick them up. He looked at my face and said "Mama happy?" so I told him it doesn't make me happy when he throws cups. He blew me a kiss and said "There. Mama all better. Happy now!"

He's been doing this lately... he'll say "Mama, be sad!" So I'll pout and pretend cry and then he'll grab my face and give me a big kiss and say "Mama HAPPY!"

Silly monkey.

December 7, 2008

We were in the nursing room at Sears, and they've recently added another recliner so more moms could be in there at once. I've never run into another mom in there before, but this week, it was a parade! Anyway, I'd just finished nursing Felix (the other mom came in just as we were sitting down) and then Elliot started asking for mama milk. We generally only nurse one per day (in the morning) and I tend to try to discourage him if he asks at other times... except now he's taken to saying, very petulantly, "But I said PLEASE!" if we ignore him or say no to a request. So I gave in, I figured, why not? And told him he could have just a bit of milk. So he latched standing up and sucked for about 10 seconds, then unlatched and said thanks...

I felt weird - I've haven't BF'd him outside of our house in over a year! (Not a conscious decision, it just happened that way...) Not weird as in 'I'll never do it again.", but I was worried that the other mom would be judging me or something. She didn't say anything - but I didn't really look at her to see if she was looking at me oddly.

Then again - I was at a party today where someone was nursing a 4 year old... not my thing, but I found myself judging her. Bad me.

December 5, 2008

Two napping boys. At the same time, and neither one is ON me!!! Holy crap! And Felix isn't in the swing - he fell asleep, on his own, in the pack 'n play! Holy moly crap!

Poor Elliot has a fever, though. 102. He's very whiny and clingy, but still has lots of energy. Says his ear hurts. And his penis. And his knee. So we'll watch that and see where it goes. I hope he doesn't have an ear infection. Of course, he may have said his ear hurts simply because he didn't want me to take his temp again - he's smart & sneaky like that.

~~~

Must have been viral - we had a rough night last night, but he's much better today.

After a looong wait at the walk in clinic this morning, no ear infection. Lungs are clear. Throat is fine. And since he's also been complaining of a sore penis, the dr checked that, too, and his abdomen in case if might be appendicitis... He's in great shape.

Could also have been a reaction to the flu shot - he had that exactly 10 days before the fever set in.

December 4, 2008

I just turned around in time to see Elliot sticking a tiny piece of his apple into Felix's mouth.

We'd already had several rounds of the "Felix is too little to eat food - only mama milk" conversation, as he tried forcibly give Felix a bite of his apple slice. I guess he figured that Felix wasn't too little to eat just a tiny piece of the apple.

So now I have to be even more observant, since he's determined to "share" with Felix. Last time, it was a Rice Krispie that I fished out of his mouth - but at least then Elliot didn't deliberately feed it to him, it was passive transference from when he jammed F's soother back in.

November 29, 2008

We were in the hall the other night and heard Elliot say "Baby needs milk!" When we went into the livingroom, this is what we saw:



Last night, Elliot changed his baby and then said he needed to carry it around, so he dragged out the Ergo, but it was too big. So this is what Jay came up with:

Then, he nursed his baby again and wrapped it in a blanket and curled up with me and a sleeping Felix on the couch to put his baby to sleep! Too cute!

November 25, 2008

Took Elliot this morning for the clinical study. It's testing a preservative (thimerosal) free flu vaccine in kids 6-36 months old. It's a double blind study and we won't know until later which one he got.

Since he's had a flu shot before, we can do the study in 3 visits. Today was #1 - lots of paperwork, a physical, a blood draw and the vaccine.

Elliot fell asleep in the stroller on the way there, at 10am, which is not a typical nap time for him, but oh well. We woke him up after the paperwork and he played with the toys while they did the physical, then went to be weighed and measured in another room. Then they drew blood - he just stared them down. The tech and the nurse conducting the study were super impressed. Then they gave the injection. That hurt him, because it was in a saline solution. But all he did was wince and say "My arm hurts." And then he was happy again. We got more tears out of him when we had to put all his outside clothes back on!!!

We go back in a month for another physical and a blood draw. Then a third visit a month after that, I think, for another physical. And that's it.

Felix was a huge hit. He woke up happy during paperwork and was grinning ear to ear and cooing the whole time.

So who knows if/when he'll nap again today, but he's in a better mood than he's been lately, so I'm happy too!

November 18-19 2008

Elliot came up to me this morning holding the front of his pants and saying "something in there" - since we've been gradually potty training, I thought maybe he had finally realized he peed. So up we went to the bathroom and sat on his new potty seat on the toilet. Nothing. When we went to put on a new diaper, his the tip of his penis was red and he grabbed it, saying that it hurt. He was crying.

I cleaned it and looked for obvious signs of dirt, infection, etc, but didn't see anything but redness. There was a bit of odor I haven't noticed before. I put some cream on it.

I changed him this morning and gave him his bath last night - nothing out of the ordinary. I didn't see him fall on himself this morning.

I called his dr and she's booked solid today, but the receptionist said if I *could* collect a sample then I should bring him to a walk in clinic somewhere asap (as the sample has to be fresh) or to their office tonight, as it's a walk-in after 5pm.

Right now, I'm tanking him up on fluids to see what happens next time he pees. Poor boy, I hope it's not a UTI.

~~

Changed a very wet diaper not that long ago. He didn't cry or seem to notice when he peed in it, but when I washed off his penis, he said it hurt again. I put more cream on it...

And YAY it's snowing here... gonna be a fun walk/bus ride if i do need to take him in...


~~

After his nap, he grabbed the front of his pants again and said "What's my bum doing?" He must have been peeing. I changed him and again he said it hurt when I wiped him down, he actually grabbed my hand to move it away and then changed his tune - "It not hurt. It not hurt!" I haven't tried to retract the skin, the urinary opening doesn't look to be impaired at all.

Looking at his penis, it looks weird. It's curving and puffy in a few places. I don't normally spend time looking at his bits, so this could be normal, but overall, it looks bigger than I remember. Then there's that red tip. Of course, I also change Felix's diapers, so my perspective is a bit off. And, being concerned, I'm probably reading/seeing more into this than usual.

I just stepped outside to get the mail - damn, it's cold! it's mostly snow now, with rain mixed in. It was the other way around this morning. This will make travel, by any route, fun. It's the first snowfall - not that it's amounting to anything, but with the temp below freezing now, the roads will be dangerous. Everyone knows winter is here, but no one prepares until well after the first snow and it's always a disaster.

~~

The tip is visibly swollen now. So maybe it's retraction based.

Still going with a wait and see attitude. With the exception of diaper changes, he's only complained about it twice - presumably while peeing - but he's peed lots of other times, as those were some wet dipes.

I've been giving him lots of very diluted apple juice laced with probiotics, and we'll go heavy on yogurt at supper. Jay will be home within the hour and he'll take a look at it, since he's the penis expert.


~~~
By the time Jay got home last night, E's penis was visibly swollen, at the tip and down the length. We decided to wait overnight... this morning it was still a bit red but the swelling was almost all gone. He didn't complain about it before we went to daycare and the staff didn't mention him saying it hurt during diaper changes today. So, I guess it was a natural retraction thing.

November 3, 2008

With as active and clumsy as Elliot is (and with all the toddlers I know who have damaged their mouths/teeth) I'm very surprised that Elliot hasn't hurt himself more.

On the way to daycare this morning, Elliot stopped to pick up a stick but he kept on going and smashed down on his face on the sidewalk. This is a regular occurrence with him, but he hurt himself more today than usual. Typically, his hands break his fall and he just comes to rest on his face. Today, his nose was scraped and when he looked up at me, his mouth was full of blood. I didn't have any tissue in my pockets (dumb - his nose has been running like a faucet!) so I wiped some of the blood with my glove so I could see where it was coming from. he wasn't shrieking like it was major, but he was crying and I could see blood around his teeth, so I scooped him up and carried him back home - luckily we were only a few houses away. (But I was also wearing Felix, so it was an awkward return trip.)

His lip was super-puffed by time we got home and blood was running down his face. He kept spraying it on me as he talked and cried, too, so my face was a bit scary. When we got him cleaned up, we saw a nasty gash in the lip, but thankfully his teeth are fine. I honestly don't know how we keep dodging that bullet, but I hope our luck holds.

He's at daycare now, poor muffin. It looks dreadful, but he was in a good mood when I left. (He did say he wanted to come home again, but he's been saying that every time I drop him off now since his molars started cutting through.)

~~
Ugh. We got a better look at his lip tonight. That little piece of skin that attaches under the lip to the gum is severed. He's got a big scab on the top of his lip now - looks like one half of a perfect set of model lips! He's in good spirits about it, though. But when I asked him to see his lip, he backed up fast, saying "It's CLEAN! IT'S CLEAN!!!!" (Jay had to check it and clean it out because it looked like there was a bit of grit in there.)

October 30, 2008

Well, tip one of four of his first 2-year molar broke through last night. Man, that was a miserable night. He was up a lot. I was up a lot. (Felix is also teething and/or growth spurting, so he was also up a lot.) There were lots of tears and Elliot was refusing his medicine and screaming at me that he didn't want it but I knew he needed it and it would make him feel better. Took a hell of a lot of coaxing and some trickery, but he did take it around 2am. Poor little monkey.

*sigh* only 15 more molar tips and the rest of the teeth themselves to pop in. Add in Felix and it's gonna be joyous - so very glad I'm medicated!!!

October 28, 2008

I'm so fed up with our cloth diapers. I've always battled stink issues, but now it's just getting to be too much. I've switched detergents and washing routines too many times to count. Right now, I'm using Allens Naturally. I do a cold rinse with nothing, then a hot wash/cold rinse. I use 2 cap-fulls of liquid detergent. (Which is only slightly less then what the directions say to use for a normal wash of clothes. I tried using only 1 cap-full and the stink got worse.) I sun them whenever possible. I use dry pails. I wash every 2-3 days. (I was washing every day when both boys were in CDs full time, but since I'm also losing my mind, that's not the ideal option.

Elliot's already in disposables at daycare (3 days per week) and at night. Felix is in disposables at night and whenever I run out of his CDs or if I have to go somewhere where I know the stink of CDs will be noticed (I'm so tired of people handing him back and telling me he needs a change!) - although, these days, Felix is in a disposable at least once during the day, no matter how many CDs are clean.

I'm thinking of quitting CDs, for Felix, until he can fit better into the medium FBs in another 2 months or so. The stink issues always seem to be with the Sandys dipes, not the FBs anyway.

Ugh. But we can't afford to use disposables full time. I never wanted to use them in the first place! And after spending so much money on CDs, I hate to give it all up now... I really don't want to, but it's so tempting. Felix is so happy in disposables and has so many more cute outfits to wear!

Bah!




Note: Read more of our cloth diapering fun at http://rainydayclothdiapers.blogspot.com/

October 24, 2008

It started off cute. Elliot burst into our room early one morning last week saying he had pooped and was very, very insistent he needed a change. There was no poop. When I changed him and told him there was no poop, he kept saying "Yes, poop! A little poop!" So I thought maybe he'd dreamed it or had a big fart or whatever.

Then he did it again a few mornings later. And again.

Last night, he woke up after being asleep for only an hour and was again determined there was a poop and he needed a change. I checked him even though I couldn't smell anything, and then put him back to bed. 10 minutes later - same thing. And then again.

Sounds like it's his version of "I'm thirsty. I need a drink." He knows it's something we'll come check. Of course, it's easy enough to check!!!

October 23, 2008

Yesterday was a great day. Felix and I went shopping and he napped the whole time, I had a great morning out, Came home, watched all the shows I DVR'd from the night before. Cleaned the kitchen, did a pre-rinse load in the dish washer, followed by a full length wash to see how well that worked on the dirtier than normal dishes. put supper in the oven. Packed a snack for Elliot and went to pick him up from daycare.

He ate his snack then whined the whole way home. I was glad supper was already in the oven - usually, he's a brat and I'm trying to cook something and it turns into a huge horrible deal. I was hoping that the snack and pre-made supper would avoid all that crap. Not so.

I caught myself yelling and putting Elliot in time out seconds after we came through the door. (He grabbed the bouncy chair and threw it across the kitchen, tearing a toy off of it. Not a huge deal, since Felix wasn't in it, but I couldn't let the behavior seem ok, since then he might try it when Felix was in it.)

The night spiraled down so quickly, I couldn't stop it. Jay came home a bit later than usual. I was livid. Felix wouldn't sleep at his normal time, and then he started crying and crying... (nursed, changed, rocked, burped, etc) Of course, he was probably picking up on my pissy mood. Jay put Elliot to bed and then went downstairs to his office after I told him I would be ok. But no, I had to take a shrieking Felix from our room (next to Elliot's - I was so sure he would wake up and join in) to the basement and demand that Jay take him before I "threw him against the wall."

Let me cut in here and say that yes, I'm getting the prescription for my antidepressant filled, asap.

Jay got him back to sleep while I sobbed and then Felix and I went to bed. I woke up feeling much better, until I opened my mouth and all that anger just spewed out again. Didn't help that now Jay is in a pissy mood and Elliot was in a biting/pinching mood at 6:30.

Let me also break in to say that Jay's temper scares me. Our poor children are doomed.

This morning just continued in that fashion. I took the kids for groceries. That was a nice outing in the midst of the chaos. Jay is going to try to come home at lunch (soon, I hope) to put Elliot down for his nap, since I'm in no mood to deal with that one.

God, I hate this, I hate this anger, this rage that I'm feeling. I hate yelling at my kids. I have no patience for even the littlest bit of acting out. I need help and I don't know where to get it. I have no idea if the meds are going to help or make things worse. My kids need more than this. My kids are good, happy, healthy, normal kids. I'm only going to mess them up if I continue down this road. At this point, any escalation in my anger is probably going to end badly.

October 21, 2008

We randomly co-slept with Elliot. I enjoy it, having nothing against it, but it just wasn't for us as a full time option. Felix, on the other hand, is making it a full time demand. He and I don't sleep well otherwise.

We have a queen size bed and it is a tight fit for me, Jay and Felix. When you add in Elliot and his kicking feet and pinching fingers in the morning, it gets claustrophobic. Jay sprawls when he sleeps. And he's a deep sleeper. He's also said he doesn't fully trust himself not to clonk Felix in the head or whatever. (He did inadvertently pull the blankets up over Felix's face, but I woke up because he was fussing.)

My back is killing me. With Felix in the bed, I feel I am hugely restricted in my sleeping positions. I am on my left side 90% of the night. And I'm contorted. I nurse laying down and I don't switch positions when I switch sides - I nurse from the top boob. (Felix won't nurse well on that side if I am in the typical position.)

I think if I had more room, things would be much, much better. But we don't even have our spare bed anymore. It's our bed or nothing. I could make Jay sleep on the couch, I guess... but then he wouldn't be next to me for me to wake up when Elliot comes in the room or needs me while I'm nursing.

I've been putting Felix in the middle as it's safer for him to be between us, because Elliot can come in the room at random times in the night and I'd be scared he'd arrive and pull Felix off the bed. Plus, I like to sleep on my left side (which is ideal for nursing, for me) and the only way to do that is with Felix in the middle. Jay won't give up his side of the bed, which would be better for me if I could shimmy it up against the wall. It would take some major moving around of our tiny room. I want a king size bed, but it would take up the whole space and not leave room for bureaus. Blech. )

We have a cradle on my side of the bed, where Felix would spend the nights, at least until recently. But he would wake every 1.5-2 hours then. In our bed, he wakes every 2.5-3.5 hours. I need that extra sleep!!!!! There's no floor space for Elliot. Only at the foot of the bed, but then I'd trip over him on my way out of the room.

I could get rid of the cradle and add the co-sleeper bed thing, but a) it wouldn't give us extra room space and b) I would have to sleep on my right side to nurse, or roll of to my left with him and remember to roll him back to the sleeper after nursing - not always possible.

It's a head scratcher.

October 17, 2008

Jay bought me a dishwasher. It's being delivered in a few minutes.

It's small (apartment size) and second hand and will take up the little counter space I have to work with, but I don't care because WOOOOOOO less dishes for me to wash!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (And to be fair, the counter top where we will put it is generally covered with dirty dishes anyway, so no space lost.

WOOOOOT!!!!

October 10, 2008

Ugh. Yesterday sucked ass.

Elliot refused to nap. So he didn't. I was having very intense desires to beat the crap out of him that really scared me, so I called Jay and he came home from work. Took E for a walk, etc. No nap. My mom showed up around 4:30 to visit for a bit and drop off her car for us to use this weekend. She was surprised Jay was home and when I told her why, she said that "it's a phase, you'll get used to 2 kids." I reminded her that she used to smack us around with whatever she could: wooden spoons, vinyl siding, empty plastic bottles, etc. I told her I didn't want to raise my kids that way. (To which she replied that was good, but things like this were cyclical - Elliot would likely raise his kids like that because he didn't experience it. Whatever. I digress.)

So, early supper and bath last night. Felix fell asleep in Jay's arms so I decided to to the bath for a change. Well, what a mistake that was. Screaming fit when I tried to brush his teeth, which escalated into uncontrollable meltdown by time he got in the tub. I didn't even do his full bath - just the essentials, then pulled him out, hysterical (and then even more so because he wanted to get back in) and we rocked on the bathroom floor, him screaming and sobbing (the not-able-to-breath kind) the whole time. At one point, he fell asleep mid-scream, but then started up again the second I tried to lay him down to get him dressed.

We made it into his room where he remained hysterical. He finally calmed down enough that he heard me when I offered 'mama milk', and he nursed. We rocked some more and he finally fell asleep.

This whole time, Felix had woken up and was shrieking like a banshee downstairs. Jay was trying everything with no luck.

Elliot didn't sleep well. Had a coughing fit around 1am and it took about an hour to resettle. Woke up a bit earlier than usual, but wouldn't go back to sleep as his diaper had leaked. Then he zoomed around here for an hour as if he was high on caffeine.

I HATE meltdowns. The only good thing about them is that I know they're not in his control and so I don't have that urge to kill him, only to soothe. Tantrums, on the other hand, make me want to smack him into tomorrow.

October 1, 2008

My chocolate addiction has seriously gotten out of hand. I don't even taste it anymore - just stuff it in my mouth. I'm spending $$$ we don't have on chocolate that makes me feel better for a split second, then I crash and when I crash, I'm no fun to be around. I know it's contributing to my PPD symptoms, along with my lack of sleep.

So far, I've come up with:
-Fresh fruit - I love peaches, nectarines, plums, etc. They're pricey, but hey, if I'm spending $30+ a week on bags of chocolate, I might as well put that towards something healthier.
-Fiber One bars - apparently, they make a chocolate one that would maybe satisfy my craving but since it's fiber, it would fill me up longer.
-Pre-cut up fruit & veggies from the produce counter. Again, pricey, but maybe would satisfy me?


Whatever the solution, it has to be healthier than chocolate and easy to eat/prepare one handed.



I've long since made the associate that chocolate soothes me - it's my comfort food. I've always known that, but when I started BFing Elliot, I realized that my craving for creamy, sweet, rich, warm chocolate probably has a lot to do with me wanting the comfort of BFing. My mom BF'd me for 5 months. I think my body remembers it and the only thing I had found to come close to replicating that experience was chocolate. This is fine in moderation. But I don't know how to do moderation. I have zero willpower when it comes to food. The closest I've ever come to managing my cravings was a stint with bulimic tendencies. I don't want to repeat that.

September 24-25, 2008

Elliot woke up with blue lips this morning. They stayed blue during and after breakfast. His hands were cold, but fingernails looked normal. (Not pink, but not blue at all.) His tongue and gums looked normal, too. Breathing wasn't laboured, but he was coughing a lot. Jay gave him his puffer before breakfast.

I know this is generally related to lung problems - respiratory due to illness (cold, asthma) but can also be a sign of a heart problem.

I took him to daycare anyway, but let them know about it. It didn't raise any flags with them and they said they'd watch him for me.

I'm 99% certain this is related to his nasty cold.... buuuut should I take him to his dr? The ER? Wait and see? I'm usually a wait and see kind of gal, but I don't want to risk my kids health, of course.


Felix, on the other hand, sounds more laboured and wheezes a bit (more snuffly than wheezy) when he breathes and his skin colour is good. So far. Baby coughs are so pitiful sounding. Breaks my heart.

~~

Well, I called a pharmacist and she wasn't instantly alarmed, but said it would be good to get him checked out. She did check the inhaler he's on to make sure it wasn't a possible side effect.

We don't have a nurse line to call, but I did call out dr's office. Front desk suggested I bring him in to the walk in clinic tonight so they could check him over and make sure he was breathing ok for overnight. She said it didn't sound like a rush thing, but still a 'better to be safe than sorry' thing. I agree. So, I'm getting ready to go pick up Elliot from daycare a bit early and we'll head to the clinic.

~~


Dr said he's fine. He didn't know what caused the blue-ness, but said he's healthy (aside from the cold). Lungs, ears and throat are clear. Skin is completely normal colour now, of course.

So it's a mystery. I don't like mysteries when it comes to my children.

We'll keep an eye on it.

~~
25th

Blue again this morning.

The doctor - an ancient dude - didn't check E's blood oxygen levels, which is something I expected. I'll call the children's hospital, I guess. Last time I called them about something, they told me that unless he was a patient or seen my them already within the last 24 hours, they couldn't advise anything over the phone. To go to the ER was best option if I was concerned.

I know that by the time I arrive there with both kids, Elliot's lips will be normal and they won't find anything wrong and will make me feel (again) like a over protective first time mom.

The fact that his lips return to normal is a good sign. I'm thinking it's a temporary oxygen saturation thing while he has this cold - he had a big coughing fit this morning. The really promising sign is that they're not as blue as yesterday - only a deep red/purple today and a purple/blue yesterday.

His room has been colder than usual, so that could be playing a part. I actually turned the heat on this morning, it dropped to 64 degrees in the house last night, colder in Elliot's room as he has 2 outer facing walls and his bed runs along them.

September 23, 2008

I finally had my specialist appointment this morning - after waiting almost 7 months!

It was at 9am and I had to be there at least 10 minutes early. We don't have a car, and it was a full 40 minute walk away, so we bundled up the kids and managed to get out the door just after 8. (I did most of the prep work last night - a good thing, since both boys decided to sleep until nearly 7:30. Elliot had his breakfast in the stroller!)

We got there exactly on time. I checked in and they sent us to the empty waiting room. There were toys and books, so Elliot was excited and we didn't need the ones I'd packed. Felix slept in the Ergo the whole way there (on me) and then we transferred the Ergo to Jay and Felix fell back to sleep after we got there.

We waited, and waited, and waited. In a now very full waiting room. After more than half an hour, Jay decided to take the kids outside since I still hadn't been called in and I was told my appointment would take about 30 minutes, so we bundled them back up just as they called my name. The dr came in, checked my chart, felt my throat, looked down my throat and made me laugh to check my vocal cords (which run behind the thyroid)... then he said he couldn't feel a nodule and would book me for another u/s to check things out.

I was out of there within 5 minutes and then couldn't find my family - Jay's phone was turned off (even if it had been on, he'd given my his backpack while he had the kids, and his phone was in there.) So I walked randomly around the block until I luckily stumbled upon them.

So it seems that it was only pregnancy based (which is weird, since I didn't have any thyroid issues with Elliot) but, if I do have another pregnancy, I guess my chances of developing another nodule and/or lingering thyroid problems is slightly higher...

So, I'm feeling pretty good... just need to wait for the u/s for absolute confirmation, but I think I'm in the clear.

After my appointment, I took advantage of my hubby being with us and we went to Starbucks before walking him back to his office. Where, of course, all the production staff cooed over the boys and Elliot ran wild and then the producer came out of her office (broke up a meeting especially for us!) and then put on one of their shows for Elliot to watch (which made him very happy. Afterwards he tried to negotiate for "One - one more show!!") and then she took off with Felix when he woke up and had him grinning and babbling as she sang theme songs.

Changed both boys, nursed Felix and got him to drink the 2oz bottle of milk I barely had time to pump this morning, then we came home just in time for Elliot to pitch a tantrum because he wanted yet another snack before lunch. In the end, he decided he wanted a nap instead.

September 18, 2008

Elliot has a low fever again today. (About 100). he's still happy and playing, but he's more clingy and moving slower than usual.

He's been curled up in "daddy's chair" with a few stuffies and a blanket watching TV, but then he'll say "All done. Play toys." Which means he isn't totally zonked.

His face looks a bit puffy, his eyes are running (clear), his nose is running (clear) and he's drooly (also clear, and this could be snot, I guess.) He also has a cough and his voice sounds strangled. If it's the same one I had/just getting over, his throat is probably killing him, too. But I didn't have the drippy nose/eyes.

I'm pumping him full of liquids (watered down OJ in a sippy with a straw is a big hit!) and letting him watch TV so he gets some "rest"... he had Motrin before bed last night. .It was an early bedtime because of a no-nap day... but it took him a while to fall asleep and he was up in the night several times.

If he were more congested, I'd be running the shower for steam, etc, but for now he seems ok (we'll do that at bath time).. I'll try to make a chicken soup today.

Ugh. And tomorrow we're having a bunch of kids over for our weekly "Story Time" - but it's a special birthday themed one and we'll read birthday themed books and eat birthday themed cake. Saturday is a big family birthday brunch and a small party with a big cake and one of his closest friends. *sigh*

September 17, 2008

Poor little muffin... they called me to pick Elliot up from daycare. He had a temp of 101.8, which is 1.3 above their "limit", and his nose was draining green gunk. unfortunately, he fell asleep before I got there (They called me at noon, I got there just before nap time was supposed to start)... so with a 5 minute nap under his belt and a drippy nose, I'm sure today will suck. tried to put him down for an hour and then gave up. he's watching tv now. maybe he'll fall asleep in his chair. once he's out, then Felix, my other crappy napper, will hopefully stay asleep, too. He's been napping in 10 minute bursts. with shrieking in between.

Oh, and Elliot's temp when I got him home was only 99.something. So either our thermometer is off or theirs is off, or they took his temp after he was running around outside. his nose is still a faucet, but temp is down for now, i guess.

September 15, 2008

Elliot hasn't shown much interest in nursing, beyond holding it in his mouth for a second. Last night, little boob got incredibly engorged and painful and I've been afraid of blocked ducts/mastitis so I've been using hot compresses and expressing some in between feedings and while nursing on the other side, I'll let it hang out and drip free. This morning, didn't Elliot come along as I nursed Felix on the couch, declare he wanted mama milk too, and latched himself on! Never really thought I'd be tandem nursing...

September 10-12, 2008

So the last few nights, when Felix wakes for his first night time feeding (generally around 3 am, so usually 5 hours from the last one - our only good stretch!) His diaper is usually VERY dry. Like maybe 1 pee. Last night, I didn't even change it until 5am, and even then it was still super dry. I was getting concerned, but then the next diaper change was wet. Is this normal for a baby so young? He nurses like crazy. Is this a growth spurt time again - I didn't think so... but I don't remember anymore.

And he's also started sleeping like crazy in the day. I'm loving it, but I'm starting to be a bit concerned, too... he'll nap for 1-2 hours, have a short nursing session, maybe a change, then drift off again. Before this, he would be awake (and fussy!) for sometimes 2-3 hours at a time. I thought that was abnormal, too.

To the best of my recollection:
10th
5:30-9pm - Dozed, nursed, fussed (no solid block of sleep, maybe 15 minute catnaps)
9pm - changed, nursed to sleep by 9:30
11th
3am - nursed - dry diaper, no change, asleep by 3:15
5am - nursed - dry diaper, changed, asleep by 5:30
7:30 - awake, nursed
8am - changed wet, poopy diaper
8:15 - asleep in swing
10:45 - awake, nursed
11:15 - asleep in Ergo, transferred to swing at noon, still asleep now at 1:15, but starting to stir...

I like his night time sleep schedule, so I'm worried all this day time sleep is gonna screw us up!!!!

He had a great check up yesterday, so if it is something to be concerned about, it's nothing noticeable during a check up (not visibly sick, etc)

~~
3pm - I woke him up, nursed/changed
3:30 - asleep in stroller
4:15-5pm - dozed/fussed
5pm - nursed
5:45 - poosplosion
6:15 - asleep in reclined highchair
6:45 - awake, fussed, mini-nursed, screamed until 8
8pm - changed, nursed to sleep by 8:30
12th
12:30am - awake, nursed, changed
1:15 - asleep
4am - awake, nursed, changed
4:45 - asleep
7am - awake, nursed, changed
8:30 - nursed, changed (ClothDiaper)
8:45 - asleep in Ergo
9:30 - awake
9:45 - changed (CD)
10am - nursed
10:30 - asleep in swing
11:15 - awake and pooping
11:30 - changed (CD), nursed, nursed, nursed
12:15 - asleep on mama
2:30 - awake, nursed, asleep, transferred to swing

September 10, 2008

Had our 6 week check up this morning. She thinks that the lingering carpal tunnel symptoms I'm having should start to dissipate in another 2-3 months (!!) once the post-partum hormones settle. Ditto the quasi-post-partum-depression symptoms I've been having. BUT she gave me a prescription for anti-depressants and I'm to follow up with her in a month.

As much as my boys need their sane, normal mother back, I'm hesitating filling the 'script. For one, I've read conflicting things about BFing while on it. Not to mention, we no longer have drug coverage and it's not cheap. But I'm thinking that with Elliot in daycare 3 days a week, I won't have 2 needing me 24/7 and will be able to rest a bit more. That alone might just get rid of all my PPD signs.

I've been having odd bladder/hoo-ha issues, so she checked me out and did a PAP. Good news is that I don't appear to have a UTI or a yeast infection. But she did a swab to see if I have any unusual bacterial growth. I'll get the results in a week or so.

And I got a prescription for the mini-pill. I took it after Elliot and did well on it - no huge plummet in my milk supply, a drop, but nothing major.

*sigh*

Felix had a good check up. He's a BIG boy!!! 13 lb 14 oz and 23 inches. 95%/90%. And his 'magic spot', unicorn horn is definitely a birth mark. She figures it will fade by time he's 5 yrs. I hope to - it's hard to see exactly where his hair line is, but I think it's just under it.

September 9, 2008

Ok, I'm in desperate need for new clothes. I've been watching "What Not To Wear" a lot lately, since it's on during Elliot's nap time when I'm trying to get Felix down, too. So, in a fit of determination, I packed away all my mat clothes. So I'm down to a pair of jeans, 2 pairs of yoga pants and a skirt that I can wear mostly comfortably. And a bunch of ratty looking tanks.

And I pretty much hate them all. They're all from pre-Elliot's pregnancy, so they're old. And boring. But, I don't have time to go shopping and also don't know what to buy. I want to buy nice stuff that will last and that will suit my body type. On the show, they're always talking about buying high quality, form fitting pieces. Well, anything 'form fitting' makes me sweat. No matter the fabric, no matter the brand/medium of deodorant/antiperspirant. I sweat buckets through anything and it's gross and embarrassing. So my old wardrobe consists of tanks with old cardigans over them. Great for nursing and hiding pit stains!

September 9, 2008

Elliot is finally starting to show concrete signs of becoming ready to potty train. He's been sitting on it for a long while now, though he still prefers to be fully clothed.

The other day, he started making all his toy dinosaurs go pee and poop on pretend container potties (totally his idea). Then they wash their hands and go have a snack! It's pretty cute. He's becoming more aware of when he poops, but he's not yet able to tell me before he starts. This morning, when I was changing a super huge poop in his room, he tells me that he pooped in the dining room, which he did. So the awareness is growing.

I guess the next step is helping him learn how to take his clothes off so he can help himself?He will sit there, naked after a bath or whatever and read a book. Today, we sang potty songs. He's peed on it twice, but that was before Felix was born.

September 5, 2008

Elliot starts on Monday - man, that happened fast.Right now, I'm relieved and excited. But I'll bet you anything that come Monday morning, I'll be a basket case that my baby is going. It's only 3 days a week, I need the respite, and it's a very short walk from home should anything happen, but still...

He's been on the waiting list at this daycare for a year - since before I was prego with Felix! At that point, I was going back to work part time and figured it would help to have him somewhere. Now I need him somewhere, for my own sanity. But I feel guilty about it already.

September 4, 2008

I don't know what happened today. The overall picture of it seems fine - we spent lots of time outside, I got errands and laundry done. But it sucked. I wasn't motivated. Could barely function or get dressed this morning. Had zero patience with the kids. Smacked Elliot's bottom on more than one occasion. Sent him to his room, even. Locked him in his room again at nap time - today it was 1:40 before he fell asleep.

He's cutting a molar. Oh joy! And he's over-tired all the time because he won't fall asleep until 9pm and wakes up at 6am. He looks exhausted all day and then fights me come nap time.

I called Jay at work in tears because I couldn't handle myself around Elliot. This isn't me. I don't know if it's sleep deprivation or post partum depression or a combo, but I'm not me and my children deserve more than they're getting. I even called the MOM program, the depression study I participated in last time around. I was still in tears, but thankfully Elliot was asleep by then so I could talk, but they initially told me I didn't qualify for the program again. (!!!) But the woman was concerned about me so she had their psychologist call me back. And she looked into things and talked with the program director - apparently, in the 2 years the program has been in existence, I'm the first repeat. They hadn't put that into their protocol, so now, thanks to me, they're going to revisit that part. Because really, aren't women who've previously had PPD more likely to have it again?!

Anyway, so that made me feel better. And the director has accepted me back into the program.

So I was brainstorming way I could get the help I need with the boys. I thought I'd try to find a mother's helper for a few weeks, maybe 15 hours per week, just to help out with nap time (I need a baby holder so Felix doesn't scream while I'm trying to put Elliot down) and someone who can do the dishes.

Then we get home from our walk and I check the messages and find out that a space has opened up for Elliot in our first choice daycare!!! YAY!!!!! I can't wait for tomorrow to get here so I can call them back for details.

Now I just need to have a shower and go to bed.

September 3, 2008

Ugh, so Felix has taken to screaming for hours at night. At first he had a witching 'hour' from 7-10 where he would be fussy but consolable. Well... last night takes the cake! He screamed uncontrollably for hours. From 7:30-11 when he finally passed out. It took 2 doses of cocyntal (a homeopathic for colic/gas), countless half-hearted nursing sessions (he wants a milk flavoured nipple, not a milk dispensing one, I guess), two walks around the block in the Ergo, lots of bouncing on the ball and finally a double whammy of skin-to-skin and upside down nursing on Little Boob and he was out. He slept on me, on the couch until 3am when my back/neck couldn't take it anymore and we gingerly went upstairs.

Jay snapped this after he finally passed out:

Note the lovely birth mark that's getting darker and darker on his forehead. When he was born, we joked that it was where they cut off his unicorn horn. I figured it was either a stress point from where he was lodged in my hip for so long in the last weeks of the pregnancy or that it would turn into a raised hemangioma birthmark like Elliot has on his back... but so far, it's just hanging out, maybe getting a bit darker but not becoming raised, which is a good thing, I guess. It looks to be just below the hairline, so maybe it will be hide-able when he's older, if it doesn't fade.

Oh, and happy anniversary to us!

August 29, 2008

Elliot just came up to me saying "where'd that come from?" over and over...

Then he put a booger on my hand and said "from NOSE!"

August 28, 2008

Elliot just came up to me and asked for mama milk and then added... "like straw!" because I've been trying to get him to remember how to suck to get the milk and so I tell him it's like a straw or a soother. So we nursed for all of 4 seconds. Then it started letting down and I was dripping everywhere and he backed up and told me to "turn it off."

Oh dear!

August 21, 2008

Just locked my child in his room. I *hate* nap time. it's been an hour and 20 minutes of crying/yelling/knocking/destroying/playing. He's exhausted but reallllllly fighting his nap. He was up at freaking 6am, you'd think he'd fall asleep the second his head touched the bed.

We did our usual routine. We went over the "Sleep Rules" (which worked beautifully for about a week, then the sticker rewards just didn't hold his interest anymore.) I rocked him and sang to him. Put him in his bead and left. He was in the hallway before I was downstairs.

Between Felix screaming and Elliot yelling, I'm very surprised child services isn't camped outside my house right now. Crap - I just looked - there is a car parked out there with a woman in the back seat staring at my house. Oh well. Whatever.

Then Elliot filled his diaper with one of his rottenest poops ever. Cleaned that up and re-tucked him in again (silently, I try not to talk with him if/when I have to go back in). No luck. Went back up and started hauling things out of his room - toys, books, the rocking chair, and tucked him in again.

Just put the baby gate up in his doorway so he couldn't get out and he's been crying off and on for the last 10 minutes. He's got 5 more minutes and then this nap is over. I'll give him lunch, toss him in the stroller and we'll go about our day. If he gets a 30 minute snooze, so be it. Early bedtime tonight.

He can't be outgrowing naps yet, can he??? He doesn't go to sleep until 9ish at night and then he's up at the crack of dawn. This child NEEDS to nap. I need him to nap or I'm going to hurt him.


Ahhhh... silence from upstairs! Could it be???!

I guess tomorrow I'll start his nap routine later - maybe around noon instead of 11. Maybe that will help knock him out. But I count on that 11 am nap so desperately.....


Nope. He's yelling again.


~~~~~~
We'll, this is a first. Brought him down, gave him his lunch. Came in a few minutes later and saw this:

August 18, 2008

Today was actually ok. It started out fine, went to hell in the middle, and then we had a pleasant afternoon. But for a while there in the middle when both kids were screaming blue murder at the same time while Elliot rubbed peanut butter all over his face and then balled up his sandwich and threw it on the floor then tried to bite me and then attempted to smother Felix while laughing, I thought I might just kill him.

The actual adjustment of having a newborn again has been easy. When I look back on the days when Elliot was a newborn and I think about how stressed and scared we were, I have to chuckle a bit.

What's hard is dealing with Elliot as he struggles with his role as a big brother. The tantrums, the jealousy, the hitting/biting/pinching. He loves Felix, but he wants to hurt him when he's mad at us for not being able to drop everything and play with him like we used to.

I can't put Felix down anywhere and step out of the room to wash my hands or get a drink if Elliot isn't strapped into something or asleep because he will lunge at Felix. He starts off gentle enough, but that soon turns into face-clawing and it happens so fast that I can barely prevent it. Or he throws toys into the playpen at the baby or tries to climb into the swing on top of him. We've tried ignoring it, time outs, scolding, yelling, re-direction, rationalizing, bribing... nothing is effective. I know he's not doing it to be malicious. Yes, he's doing it on purpose, but it's for attention. Not because he wants to hurt Felix. I hope.

Felix wants to sleep on me, all the time. It's hard to put him down and have him stay asleep. I remember this with Elliot, too, but it's harder now that I can't just sit around and watch TV all day. Poor Felix has had to lay there crying more times than I'd care to admit, getting madder and madder and surely the neighbours are going to call child services on me, simply because I need to change/discipline/feed/play with Elliot for a few minutes. I can't be holding on to one while trying to lift the other into the highchair. Or up and down the stairs. Or changing diapers. Or going to the bathroom myself. Sure, I have several carriers (which are awesome!) but it's not convenient for every-minute-of-my-day use.

I bought a double stroller the other day because I just can't be tethered to my kids 24/7 anymore. I told Jay that I liked the feeling that I could just walk away from the kids while we were out - not that I ever would, but having it as an option, instead of having one of them strapped to me, is appealing.

Back to Elliot - he's really acting out. Not just with the hurting of Felix, but in other areas. Lots of control things and so many tantrums. I expected that, but I don't know how to deal with it. There's also the fact that he's almost 2 and is going through developmental things at the same time as adjusting to being an older brother. Everyone keeps saying it's a phase and it will pass. Of course it will, but when? And how do I deal with it in the meantime? I am so frustrated with Elliot most of the time. I just want to hit him when he's whining or hitting/biting me or throwing his entire supper on the floor... and I HATE that feeling.

Both children (and Jay) want and need so much from me and it's more than I have to give right now. And I'm not able to spend much one-on-one time with either child (or Jay, or myself), so bonding with Felix is difficult and giving attention to Elliot in the quality/quantity he's used to and deserves, just isn't possible. So I have to split my time and end up not being able to focus on anyone, and everyone is cranky and neglected, including myself. I just want to run away.

I'm scared of Post Partum Depression, although I'm 99% positive that it's just sleep deprivation I'm struggling with right now. I don't have a good support system in place and I suck at asking for help when/if I need it. I bought a bottle of Grand Cosmopolitan at the liquor store the other day. I've only had 3 small glasses (1 per night, within a safe BFing time frame, when Jay is home, yadda yadda) but can really see how easy it would be to become a lush mama.

Which brings me to my husband. I love having him home on the weekends, but he makes things worse. He's great at being another pair of hands, at playing with Elliot, at changing diapers and cleaning up... but he loses patience and his temper waaaay faster than me and yells. Which makes me feel like crap and not be able to relax and not want to leave him with the kids. I deal with both kidlets all day long, 5 days a week, usually by myself. He can't deal with them for 30 minutes without yelling at Elliot. (To be fair, Elliot is testing his boundaries with Jay because he's not with him as frequently as I am.)

Don't get me wrong, I know it will get better, but right now, I do regret having them this close... We planned to have 2 this close together so they could grow up together and always have each other... but it's going to be a while before I can enjoy it and much longer before they can enjoy each other. Every day I have to tell myself if I can get through just one more day, things will be different.

All normal stuff, right?? *sigh*

August 14, 2008

My mom came over this morning and was here for the whole day.
I had a nice shower.
I pumped off a bottle and Elliot and I went for a Mommy & Me Adventure by ourselves to the grocery store.
I got to nap for a full hour!
This afternoon, I implemented a new 'be gentle with Felix' tool for Elliot - I put 10 small treats (smarties, yogurt raisins, etc) into a container - if/when he hurts Felix, I take a treat away. He had 8 left to eat after supper.
After naps and lunch, I loaded both car seats into mom's car and we went shopping. I spent $30 at the dollar store buying goodies for a 'nursing basket' to bring out when I'm BFing so Elliot has something new to look through.
I bought a second hand, tandem double stroller (they actually delivered it to me tonight) and I can't wait to take to boys out in it.
Mom made 2 big casseroles for us to eat over the next few days.
Mom left and N (the former nanny) came for a quick visit.
Jay was late coming home and Elliot ate supper about 30 minutes later than usual, but that was ok...

I feel good today. Of course, I had mom with me all day, but still, I felt I was managing. Jay even commented on the fact that I was smiling and in a good mood when he got home. (Must have been the cosmopolitan I was drinking...)

August 11, 2008

Elliot shoved a whole piece of elbow macaroni up his nose at lunch time - I was lucky enough to get it out easily enough (and the pea that he shoved up the other side while I puzzled on how to get the noodle out) but it's made me realize that I don't know what to do if he does it again. I don't think I could keep him still or calm enough to attempt prying something out with tweezers...

August 10, 2008

I was chatting with my mom tonight. My sister and I are 16 months apart. Mom says I was 3 before I stopped trying to kill my little sister. Lovely - I guess we might be in this phase for a while.

I've started getting up and moving away from Elliot if/when he's rough, telling him that he can't see/play with Felix when he's mean. It hasn't yet stopped the behaviour, but I think he understands it a bit more now. Especially since if I'm holding Felix and we're playing with Elliot, that means I also get up and leave and don't play with Elliot. I feel mean, but I need to protect Felix.

August 9, 2008

Jay and I got about 3.5 hours sleep total last night. Felix was up until 1am, and then up again from 4-5:30 then Elliot got up at 6 for the day.

I decided I still felt up to going to the Market, especially since it was a beautiful day. Jay was super cranky and I told him I could stay home, but he said he and Elliot would manage.

I got home at 12:30 (waaay later than I planned) to find that Jay's brother made a surprise visit home from Newfoundland!

Felix was very fussy while I was out. I had to stop and nurse him twice which I wasn't expecting, but of course babies this age are unpredictable! I had him over dressed, too, and with the hot sun, we were both roasting. When I got home, I discovered that he'd had hist first poo-splosion! All over me and the Mei Tai carrier, unfortunately.

Then Elliot decided to really act out by hitting and pinching Felix's face. Twice. Man, that child is fast and can be so mean. He drew blood. I wanted to smack him. On both sides of Felix's face, Elliot scraped off a layer of the baby acne. Felix screamed but calmed quickly. Elliot got a time out and a stern talking to, but for the rest of the day, whenever he managed to get within reach of Felix, he tries it again.

D and I took Elliot for a long walk around the block while Jay and Felix dozed. Right now, Jay and D have taken Elliot with them to the grocery store. Jay is still so cranky and Elliot is acting out a lot. I told Jay he should just leave Elliot home (which would suck for me) and he replied "Well, he doesn't need both parents wanting to strangle him."

I'm trying to spend 1 on 1 time with Elliot, to go to him first, etc, etc, everything I can think of so that he doesn't feel pushed aside, but it's so hard. Felix needs me all the time. And I need to get over these very strong gut-instinct urges to smack him when he hurts Felix. That wouldn't help - he'd never understand "No hitting" if that's the punishment he got.

And I'm pissed that I deal with 2 kids all day long on very little sleep and he can't seem to handle 1 for a few hours.

August 7, 2008

So Jay's dad and step mom came over to entertain Elliot this afternoon. They mowed the lawn and played in the backyard. I went out to check on them and found Elliot with his feet in a bucket full of blackish berries. I didn't recognize them and asked where they came from. They assured me he hadn't eaten any and said they were growing by the shed. I looked over and saw purple flowers.

Yep, Deadly Nightshade/belladonna. In my backyard. I've seen the plant there before but never looked at it to actually SEE it. If eaten, 2-5 berries can be lethal to a child.

They immediately brought Elliot inside and scrubbed his hands and feet. Jay got home soon after and now plans to cut down the bush asap.

Don't I just love my mother for teaching Elliot about picking berries while I was in the hospital with Felix. We also have raspberries and he now loves to pick/eat those.

August 7, 2008

So Elliot has an allergy. Don't know to what, but there are several big possibilities: the cats, the layers of dust in the house, and the mold on our bathroom ceiling (and potentially all through our attic) are the most likely.

He's been itchy.

For the past 2 months or so, he's been rubbing at his eyes. At first we thought he was just tired or that the humidity we'd been having was preventing him from getting a good night's sleep. Then he added scratching at his ears. Then the back of his head (again, I thought since his hair was getting so long and it was so hot that he was just sweaty).

Then the hives showed up when he ate strawberries.

So we took him to the dr last week. He checked him over and said he could tell by looking in his eyes and nose that he has a mild inhaled allergy. It's likely separate from the strawberry thing. It's mild enough that we don't have to treat it unless it's causing Elliot discomfort - there's been no redness or swelling or watering in his eyes... but he obviously itches.

We need to have our roof repaired. There were pinhole leaks around the chimney last fall and I'm positive our attic is full of mold right now. Jay is hesitating having someone out to repair it because he's scared it's going to turn into a $20K job that we just can't afford. But I say we need to nip it in the bud sooner rather than later because then it will be a $20K job, guaranteed. The bathroom ceiling needs to be replaced now, instead of simply scraped and repainted with proper paint because the mold started. Yuck. (The previous owners didn't properly vent the bathroom and we've never gotten around to repairing it.)

Bah.


I'm hoping that it's a simple pollen allergy that will clear up in the fall. We've noticed it's worse at home and outside in our yard. Or when he's been outside a lot....

August 4, 2008

Dear Felix Raphael

Your expected date of arrival was unknown as there was some discrepancy with the dates but eventually, it was decided that your birth should occur somewhere between the 16th and 23rd of July, 2008. However, those dates meant nothing to you as you knew when you were ready to make the journey into Mommy and Daddy’s arms.

At 31 weeks, Mommy and Daddy had a scare when the bag of waters that were keeping you safe and warm sprung a leak and there was concern that you were going to be born early. Mommy was put on bed rest and she took very good care of herself. As a result, the bag resealed and you continued to grow in your safe environment.

In fact, you) were so comfortable that, as Mommy’s due date approached, there was concern you were going to need some encouragement to leave your watery home! On Monday morning, July 28th, Mommy saw her doctor and she determined that Mommy’s cervix was changing in preparation for your birth, so she separated the membranes from the cervix with her finger to help stimulate labour. Mommy had already been having some cramping and mild contractions so there was a good possibility of this working. If not, Mommy was scheduled to have you assessed on July 29th and to have a discussion regarding medical induction later in the week.

Around noon on July 28th, the walls around you started contracting and by 7:00pm the contractions were 5-6 minutes apart and more intense. By the time I arrived at Mommy and Daddy’s house at 8:30pm, the contractions were occurring every 2 minutes and were lasting any where from 30 seconds to 1 minute. Your Mommy is a woman of strength and your Daddy was an incredible support to her. She embraced each contraction with tremendous courage and strength, knowing that each contraction was bringing you closer to their arms.

While all of this was going on, Grampy and Grammy had come over to put your big brother Elliot to bed and to stay with him while Mommy and Daddy went to the hospital.

We arrived at the Early Labour Assessment Unit (ELAU) at the hospital at 9:30pm. The unit was full and the Birthing Unit was extremely busy so Mommy and Daddy and I waited in the ELAU lounge and the nurse working in ELAU that evening came in to check on you and Mommy. You were tolerating the changes very well and much to Mommy’s surprise, her cervix was dilated to 7cm and had completely thinned out. There was great excitement in the room, as that meant that you would soon be in Mommy and Daddy’s arms.

Your nurse arranged a room on the Birthing Unit for Mommy, and L was the nurse assigned to care for both of you. L was new on the unit so she had support from N, R and K, all of whom had more experience.

Dr L arrived around 11:00pm and examined Mommy to find that she was 9.5cm dilated. During a contraction Dr. L was able to push the remaining cervix over your head and within 15 minutes Mommy was feeling a very strong urge to push. She was encouraged to breathe through that sensation while Dr L got ready to assist you. Mommy’s body couldn’t wait and neither could you. You had made up your mind and there was no stopping you. You and Mommy define the term “effective team work”!

At 11:39 your head was born. The cord was wrapped twice around your neck, so Dr. L removed it. With the next contraction they expected you to slide into Dr L’s hands but your shoulders got stuck and it took some effort to get them to release. Happily, within a couple of minutes they were free, and, with one big push, Mommy birthed you into the world at 11:41pm July 28, 2008. Dr L cut your cord and you were whisked across the room to be checked over by the neonatal team. It wasn’t long until you let out some loud cries to let Mommy and Daddy know that you were indeed fine and that there was no need for concern.

You weighed 9 pounds 4 ounces and were 20.25 inches long. It wasn’t long until you were on Mommy’s chest and you were very vocal as you expressed your feelings about your experience. Mommy and Daddy were very happy to meet you and there were tears of joy as they welcomed you. Once you settled, you nuzzled at Mommy’s breast and took a couple of sucks. However, you seemed content to just be close to Mommy and food was not the priority.

Felix, you were born into love and that love will always be with you. Your birth is another thread woven into the tapestry of life that was started thousands of years ago when your ancestors brought their offspring into the world. Felix, I feel blessed to be a part of this tapestry and you will always hold a special place in my heart.

Journey well my little friend.

Your doula,
Karen

August 2, 2008

Felix was up a few times in the night, no big deal. Except that it takes at least an hour and a half with all the nursings, changings, renursings and rechangings before he finally goes to sleep. He was up at 1:15, it was almost 3 before we settled back down again and then he was up again at 5.

So I was tired before it even began.

Last night, we put Elliot in his big boy bed. He surprised us and slept well. We heard him wake up around 7 and play quietly. I came downstairs to get a bite to eat and turned on the monitor so I could hear what he was up to- but it wasn't working. So back up I went and sure enough, he was climbing on the bed rail so he could reach the buttons on the monitor on his dresser. No biggie, just not the safest place for him to be!

He was soaked, so I had to strip him and the bed (man, that thing is a bitch to change - bed, not boy) and then we came downstairs for his pre-breakfast snack like always. I reached for a knife to cut his banana and I noticed that all the knife hilts and the knife block were covered in wood dust that hadn't been there last night.

Strange.

I took a closer look and saw that the "dust" was moving. EEEW! And a closer look revealed that they were swarming over everything in that corner - my cookbooks, loaf of bread, bagels, bag of raisins, butter, sugar bowl, microwave, etc, etc.

So I start throwing what I can in the trash and the washables in the sink. It becomes a bigger task than I expected, so I called up for Jay to bring Felix downstairs and help me out. Felix of course needs to eat so Jay gets stuck cleaning the entire counter top and appliances with lysol wipes and hot water. I start washing all the dishes. (All of Elliot's bowls/plates/cups were right there, next to the infestation but seemingly not crawling, but who knows.)

Elliot needs breakfast by now so I make him some oatmeal and blueberries, generally a favourite. He downs it after a minor tantrum on his way to the highchair. Then he wants puffs, so I put a bunch on his tray. He asks for more, I tell him to eat those first. He does, then asks again for more, which I give him. He demands more, I tell him again to eat those first and he screams and starts throwing them all on the floor.

While that is happening, Jay is carefully moving all the appliances back to the counter after cleaning them. Of course, the coffee pot hits the floor and shatters. We scramble to find shoes for each other and sweep it all up. Jay gets the shopvac and vacuums the kitchen floor.

We let Elliot out of the highchair after the floor is clean and he comes over to help. He and Jay vacuum up a bunch more bug infested things - the knife block, cook books, etc. Then Elliot starts stuffing his rock and stick collection into the shopvac. They get stuck. Jay is luckily able to clear them out of all the vents and such.

Meanwhile, I'm alternating between nursing and changing Felix and googling anything I can that might tell us what the bugs are. They're microscopic and look just like beige dust. Jay thinks they are dust mites, but I'm not so sure...

By now it's Elliot's nap time, so I take him up and he goes down surprisingly well in his bed. I nurse Felix again in the hopes that he will also nap so that I can nap. It takes an hour and a half of nursing/changing/rocking but he finally goes down for more than 10 minutes and Jay and I both fall asleep.

45 minutes later, Elliot wakes up. I hear the noise machine get louder and figure he managed to get his door open. But no. I hear other noises. I make Jay get up and go check on him, as Felix is still napping and I'm beat. Jay calls me into Elliot's room, asking "Is this stuff toxic?"

Not a question anyone wants to hear!

Elliot had climbed almost on top of the dresser to reach the noise machine on the other side and had been playing with the buttons, as well as with the assortment of diaper creams we thought were out of the way. He was putting on his Weleda baby calendula facial cream, and had eaten some. While Jay cleaned him up, I called the store and they checked the ingredients and said it didn't contain anything harmful and might just give him diarrhea, but that if I had probiotics, I could give him that to help out.

We come downstairs. Those damn bugs are back, in a much smaller amount, but they are still crawling around on things that were already washed and even soaked in hot hot hot water.

Jay stays upstairs with Felix and to re-arrange Elliot's room so he can't get the dresser anymore. I fix Elliot some lunch. He wants water in a big glass, so I pour a little bit in. He asks for more, so I splash a bit more in. He gets mad because he wants a full glass and pours it out on the kitchen floor. I send him for a time out while I clean it up. We have a chat. I put him in his highchair and give him his plate and cups (but not the big cup). He freaks and pitches everything on the floor and then starts trying to bite me. We have another chat. We calm down and try again with a new lunch. I manage to catch the bowl for round 2, but the cups go flying again.

We take a breather and finally, by 3pm he's eaten some lunch.

It's now almost 6. Jay took Elliot for a walk to the grocery store and Felix is finally napping so I get a minute to sit down.

Oh my aching head!!!!!!!!

I have no clue what to do about those damn bugs. No idea what they are or where they came from. Or why they chose that spot to infest. Nothing new had been introduced to that area. No idea how to get rid of them.

August 1, 2008

My milk only just came in...so I'm crazy engorged. I want to help it regulate even though I know it will on it's own...

I had to block feed with Elliot, 2 feeds per side before switching. Felix cluster feeds during the day (every hour, which I guess is standard for a newborn!) but will sometimes go 3 hours. The last 2 nights, he's gone 4 hour stretches. He usually nurses on one side and then falls asleep. I change him to wake him up and have been waffling between putting him back on the same side to finish the feed afterwards or offering the other side. That second feed doesn't always happen and isn't usually that long. So, overnight, I could go 7 hours without nursing on one side and man, does that hurt!!!

It's almost 7:30 now. He nursed on the left side around 2 pm and had a monster feed on the right about an hour ago so I don't expect him to nurse again for a little while. The left side is so engorged it hurt to touch it. I'm considering pumping to relieve some pressure, but I know the can of worms that can open up...

August 1, 2008

My feet are more swollen now than they were before I delivered - they puffed right up yesterday. My calves are really tight, too, but don't look too bad. When I walk, I swear I can feel the tops of my feet wobble.

I called the hospital and they said that since I'm peeing ok and staying hydrated and didn't have a section or an IV and have no history of blood pressure problems that it's probably all hormonal and I should stay off my feet as much as possible. Which yeah, is pretty much impossible with a toddler and a newborn.

July 30, 2008

Introducing Felix Raphael!!!!!!

Ok, short story for now, until I have time to type up the long one...

By the time Jay arrive home Monday night, ctx were 5 minutes apart and painful. Doula arrived by 8:30 and they were 2 minutes apart. As she arrived, they went to 1 minute apart, but were still very short. I was feeling pressure, so we soon left for the hospital... arrived there and got checked at 9:30... 6-7 cm and fully effaced!!!

Early assessment was full and they weren't sure if there would be a birthing room, but they found us one. My dr arrived at 11 and checked me - 9.5cm! She broke my water at 11:15, I started pushing at 11:25 and Boo was born at 11:41.

There was some distress - dr was tickling Boo's head as the heart rate dropped. Boo's head came out ok (holy hell, that ring of fire was horrid!!!) but shoulder's got stuck and they rushed in the neo-natal team. My dr literally pulled Boo's shoulders out. Cord was around the neck twice. I heard one quick wet baby gasp and then silence. Jay didn't get to cut the cord as they rushed Boo off for examination. Everything was fine and I finally heard baby cries a few seconds later.

Boo weighed in at 9 lbs 4 oz and 20.25 inches (same length as Elliot.) I did it 100% med free. I stood for the contractions at the hospital, which made them super intense but short.

The next concern was that my placenta didn't want to be delivered. We reached the half hour point and it still hadn't released. They called in the OB, who said my options were pain meds and an attempt at manual extraction in the room, but it was a one time thing - the next step was an epi and surgery. I flat out refused the epi and asked them if we could try waiting another 10-15 minutes to see if it would release. The OB agreed. He pushed down hard on my abdomen and I pushed and screamed some more and the placenta came out. It was HUGE!!! (everyone commented on the size.) And intact, thankfully.




I am a mom to 2 boys.... so proud!!!!!

Elliot loves his little brother. He keeps talking about Baby Felix and seems to have grasped the idea that it is the baby from my belly - he hasn't even mentioned my belly yet!

Nursing is going well... when I can get him to latch, that is. He latches good on Little Boob (and OW!! I never had pain with Elliot...) but just hangs out and licks Big Boob... so we're working on that. This is Felix. He licks.

Ok, gotta go change a poopy bum. Meconium poops are gone already and we're on to the real thing...

July 28, 2008

Had regular contractions every 10 minutes before bed last night. Hoped I'd end up in pain and with a baby by now. If they continued, I slept through them.

~~~

5:32pm
Well... semi-painful contractions every 10 minutes again... for the last 5 hours! The closest they've been is 4 minutes, longest was about 20, but the average is 10.

I've been alternating between squatting on the floor playing ball with Elliot, sitting on the ball (right now!), walking around the block with Elliot, and curled up on the couch. I'm soooooo tired. I didn't get my nap this afternoon because the cats were being assholes and the phone kept ringing. Another hour and Jay will be home so I can go rest... might be in for a long night!!!

~~
6:25pm
Now we're alternating between 2-5 minutes. I need Jay home NOW because they hurt and Elliot gets really upset if I even say "ow." I should call my doula...

I also ate a bunch of plums & nectarines today and feel really gassy and the two types of pain really suck.

~~
6:57 pm
Jay's home now... 6 minutes apart, but still only lasting 15-25 seconds. But OW!!!

My doula is checking back in with us within the hour. Jay's dad will be here in 30 minutes or so to take over bedtime routines... my mom is driving up (3 hours away) for the morning and will stay here with Elliot until Thursday.

July 26, 2008

I decided last night that if I haven't gone on my own by Friday, I want to be induced. This is a really hard decision for me, but I think it's the right one. Hopefully it won't come to that... but I'll tell my dr at my appointment on Monday.

I can't sleep due to the carpal tunnel. I can't wear my flip flops anymore because my feet are too puffy. I'm having hot flashes and day/night sweats like crazy. I'm beyond uncomfortable and no longer feel I'm a supportive host for Boo. Not to mention the enormous size Boo is going to be when he/she does finally make an appearance...

July 25, 2008

Poor little dude. Every time he has strawberries now he gets a few small red blotches on his face. The time in which they appear has increased a bit, but that seems to be the only reaction. Is this something that he's likely to grow out of? It's so sad, because in Elliot's words "Boy LOVE strawberries!"

The part that concerns me is that at first, the blotches appeared a full day after he had the strawberries... so the reaction time is increasing. He had 1/2 a strawberry with his breakfast this morning and within 20 minutes, 2 blotches were on his face. Sounds like it's getting worse. I don't know what to expect next... but I should probably pick up some benadryl.



(He HAS grown out of it!!!!)

July 24, 2008

You know, it's really hard to spend quality time with someone who is intent on biting you, the sofa, his toys, the cats, the chair, himself, basically whatever he can get to his mouth, just because he thinks it's fun. I don't want to spend time with someone who insists on running his hands through a poopy diaper and then through his hair. Or someone who tantrums because the cars won't all fit in a line on the couch and therefore must all pay the penalty which includes being subject to a screaming fit, a biting and most certainly a flinging to their fiery death. It's hard to be excited about someone who is also intent on kicking you in the belly (or hubby in the crotch) during diaper changes or bath time, just for fun. Or ripping out hand-fulls of hair... And someone who wakes up for the day 1-2 hours earlier than normal and who won't go down for a nap until an hour later than normal is not high on my 'want to be with' list.

I hate putting my son in time outs all the time. At least he respects them and stays put, but it doesn't stop the behaviour.

I have a special outing planned for us this afternoon. Going to the Discovery Centre this afternoon, hopefully. I think he'll enjoy it... if he doesn't try to kill me first, that is.

July 23, 2008

Still here and still waiting. Today is my due date based on when I'm sure I conceived. (But 5 days overdue based on my doctors calculations.) I went into labour on my due date with Elliot, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed for today. I see my chiro this afternoon and plan to do another marathon walk with Elliot, so maybe that will help?

My carpal tunnel is getting really bad and has me in tears today. I'm feeling very discouraged. I was just so certain I'd be holding my baby by now. I know I'm only at my due date, but I was so convinced.

I know that once Boo is here, I'll be kicking myself for being so impatient at the end. I know I should be enjoying my last few days as a mom of one, spending time with Elliot and just enjoying life... but it's just so hard to get into that mindset.

And as much as I hate daily affirmations (I just think they are so stupid) I've found myself chanting empowering things to myself in the mirror. Things about how my body knows what it's doing, how I will be a good mom to two, how things are happening just as they are supposed to.

*sigh* I know there's an end in sight. I just wish I could actually see it.

And the phone calls - I never had that with Elliot. But seriously, people, do you really think I'm going to up and have the baby and not tell anyone? And I can't NOT answer the phone - that's worse. They keep calling because they think no answer means I'm in the hospital. I should just change the message, I know.

July 21, 2008

Had my 40 week check up today. No progress, still 2 cm, not effaced. And I had so much great cramping, too. Oh well, it will happen.

According to her, I'm overdue, so we talked about induction. Typically, if the patient is interested, they induce 1 week past due, which would be the 26th. I told her I wasn't interested, but that if I had effaced at all by my next appointment I would do the stretch & sweep. She's booking me for a planning score, which is a glorified ultrasound to check fluid levels and make sure baby is ok. If baby is fine, they're ok letting me go as long as 43 weeks until they will induce. If something looks off during the planning score, they will induce.

That is all...

July 21, 2008

Elliot slept like crap last night. We were up with him several times. He didn't want Jay - would cry out for 'mommy'... he didn't poop yesterday and seemed gassy last night. We figured that's all it was.

But he started with a runny nose today. I put him down for his nap around 11:15 and I could hear him coughing and sneezing in his sleep. (Or maybe he was awake?) Then he started crying around 12 - when I went in, he was complaining about his nose. I wiped his nose and rocked him and sang to him, but he's up there babbling.

This is the child who regularly naps 2-3 hours. Poor thing looks exhausted. Puffy eyes, dark circles under his eyes, the whole deal. And he probably won't nap again today (I'm going to try around 3 and see what happens)... this means that I don't get to nap today, either.

I've heard of siblings getting sick or plain crazy just before the new one makes their arrival. Hopefully that's the case here and Boo shows up int he next day or so. Of course, with me not being able to catch up on my naps because I'm up with my little sicky, it's gonna be a fun ride!

~~~
Ok. Loading him into the stroller and were going for a walk (in the torrential rain). Hopefully this will knock him out and have the added bonus of prodding Boo along. Plus, if we end up at the mall I can go to the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory and stock up on Tiger Bombs. Chocolate and caramel and peanut butter - YUMMY!!!

July 19, 2008

We did a belly cast tonight - finally!!! - I'm both pleased and disappointed with the results. The directions said to have me sit reclined, which I questioned because I didn't think it would portray an accurate belly, but did it anyway because that's what they said. This of course resulted in a very w-i-d-e cast. Of course, as Jay pointed out, the very pregnant woman would have to be comfortable for 30+ minutes, and sitting up straight just wouldn't cut it. I wish we'd done it with me sitting on the ball, but oh well... I have my cast and it's beautiful. We watched one of the Lara Croft movies on TV while casting.






(Note: still haven't done anything with it! It's sitting in my closet.)

July 13, 2008

Operation Eviction is in full swing. What I'm currently shakin' to, trying to dance the baby out:



Come With Me - Puffy, feat. Jimmy Page
When Wherever - Shakira
Mortal Kombat - Utah Saints
Mr. Brightside - The Killers
Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now) - C+C Music Factory
I Like the Way You Move - Bodyrockers
Rasputin - Boney M
Brimful Of Asha - Cornershop/Fatboy Slim
You Spin Me Right Round - Dead Or Alive
Bootylicious - Destiny's Child
4 Minutes - (feat. Justin Timberlake & Timbaland) Madonna
Hung Up - Madonna
Wake Up Call - Maroon 5
Southside - Moby and Gwen Stefani
Trouble - Pink
Shake Ya Tailfeather - Nelly P Diddy and Murphy Lee
Cotton Eye Joe - Rednex
I - Dubstar
I Don't Feel Like Dancin' - Scissor Sisters

July 11, 2008

Elliot peed!! On the potty!!!!!

He sat himself on it after his bath and started playing with himself as Jay read a book. Then it went off - but mostly pointed down, thankfully! He looked rather alarmed, but Jay and I whooped and clapped and congratulated him and I went and dug out the star stickers that came with his potty book and he got to put it on the chart. He was so pleased!

No idea if/when he'll do it again, but I'm so proud of him!!!!

July 10, 2008

I've been waking up several times per night with numb hands and fingers for the last couple of weeks. I figured I was just laying on them wrong when I slept. This morning, the numbness keeps coming back, no matter what position I'm in, and I've been out of bed for a while. I looked it up, and yep - carpal tunnel. I've heard so many pregos complain about it but never gave it much thought for myself.

Bah, this is annoying!! And my poor ankles, feet and toes. They feel so stiff and achy! So swollen, all around. Damn humidity!!!

Ahhh well, not long left now, I suppose.

*waves white flag*

July 9, 2008

I started crying while listening to the weather report this morning.

It's going to go up to 30 again today (that's 86 F) and this is before the humidex sets in. (There's been 94% humidity lately, which makes it feel at least 5 degrees hotter.) It MIGHT rain tomorrow, then it's hot sun until next week.

Sounds lovely, right? I normally LOVE the heat, the hotter the better. I made it all the way through the summer prego with Elliot and LOVED it. But this time around it's kicking my butt. I hate it. I can't get enough air. I have fans pointed at me that do nothing.

Maybe I'll pack Elliot up and we'll head to the mall for air conditioned goodness all day today - think he'll nap in the cribs at Sears? Only good thing about today - I see my chiro again this afternoon - YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Plus, My leg really started to hurt in the middle of the night. When I looked at it this morning, it's either a huge knotty varicose vein or possibly a blood clot. Blech.

July 7, 2008

The little stinker!

We have Tot Loks on our drawers and cupboards - a magnetic lock "designed to make it virtually impossible for children to break into cabinets and drawers containing unsafe items. "...

Well, doesn't Elliot know how to work them!! I used the magnetic key to open a drawer. Elliot came running over because he likes to put it back on the fridge for me, then he waits for me to move it back "up high, mommy". But this time, he put it on the fridge then reconsidered, took it down, walked over to the cupboard, put it in the exact spot it needed to be in, heard the "click" and opened the drawer!!!

This is frightening! He did this once before, but it really was a fluke thing. This time is was completely deliberate! Eeeep! I know we're fine as long as he can't reach the key, and the magic spot is much easier to find on the drawers compared to the cupboards, but wow!

July 2, 2008

I saw my chiro this afternoon. I feel a million percent better right now!!!

She has a belly cushion, so normally I lay on my stomach for part of the adjustment (such a treat!) but she took one look at my belly today and said I was too big.

She also asked if I wanted to wait until next week to do the adjustment, in case it started labour. I said no, because I was in too much pain, and besides, I'm ready if Boo is!

But, when I laid on my side for her to do some adjusting, she said it was too tight and I needed to be on my belly - so we added an extra pillow to raise up the belly pillow and I got to lay down. (YAY!) She said she didn't even have to palpate to feel where the tightness was - she could literally see the twist in my pelvis. She did a fantastic adjustment on my pelvis, then some minor ones on my upper back and neck.

Elliot was so good during my treatment. He played on the floor with cars and would come over to 'help' now and then. Everytime she would drop the table or use the toggle board (both make loud bangs), Elliot would announce "hear a NOISE!" It was cute.

Then we walked to the playground a block from her office, then walked to the coffee shop 2 blocks from that and I got a fizzy lemonade (yum!) and then we popped across the street to my old office, but it was pretty empty due to the heat/humidity today.

I have another appointment next week, providing I'm not in labour or holding Boo by then...

Another interesting thing - as soon as my chiro came in the room, she said "It's a girl!" ... and she's usually right about these things. Time will tell, I guess!

June 24, 2008

Before my hospital stay, I was starting to puff. I sleep with socks at night unless it's really humid, and I was noticing an indent in my skin when I woke up, or at the end of the day. I never paid much attention to it, until I got out of the hospital and realized that I actually had a curve between the end of my leg and foot... and it was a normal curve! I had such slim little ankles!! And I continued to have ankles throughout my bed rest. Until today, that is.

Well, it was very humid here today. I did a lot of walking/standing. (Yep, bed rest flew right out the window. In my defense, I had a friend with a car drop in and she drove me around. But shopping makes you walk a lot!!) And now I'm all puffy. I still have a bit of indent - I can see where that slim little ankle used to be.

Ugh. I hate the term "cankles".

I've been resting with my feet up since I got home this evening. My fingers have started to puff, too. Luckily, I took my rings off due to the IV making me swell in the hospital and never got around to putting them back on, so I don't have to worry about them getting stuck on me. (Side note to self: take rings to be inspected before the end of the month or it voids warranty!!!)

*sigh*

June 20, 2008

Elliot knows his name is Elliot, but still refers to himself as "boy", as in "Boy coming!" (when I try to go somewhere without him.) or "Boy run away!" (When it's time for a new diaper or cleaning up toys) or "Boy awake now!" (In the morning or after naps) or "Boy have it, have it, have it!!!" (Accompanied by a grasping hand and followed with a screaming tantrum if he doesn't get what he wants.)

June 18, 2008

My sciatica is driving me crazy. I woke Jay up moaning in pain yesterday morning - I was so panicked because it was burning numbing pain from my hips to ankles that I could barely verbalize what was wrong and he thought Boo was coming.

Things that normally help are regular chiro (it's been at least 8 weeks since my last appt), lots of stretching, keeping active, soaking in the tub, hot packs (which I've been using) and sitting on my exercise ball (and doing pelvic rotations, etc, while on the ball).

I'm not leaking fluid, to my knowledge, but my instructions were to not take a bath But at my last appointment, my dr mentioned that baths were probably ok, as long as the tub was clean and I didn't go overboard with fragrances, etc.

I'm sitting on my ball right now and it feels nice - but I'm hesitant to do any of the rotations in case it makes Boo drop or me start contracting or breaks my water again. I've slowly started doing stretches before bed and in the morning - which feel heavenly - but again, I'm nervous. I want to soak in the tub.

June 7, 2008

Had an overwhelming urge to have our bags packed and ready to go. So yesterday I washed all the newborn clothes and blankets we planned to bring and packed them up. I have a few things left of mine to wash, and a short list of things to pick up once I'm off bedrest (or I'll send Jay) and then we're ready in case something happens.

Since the urge was so strong, I really didn't want to put it off.

Oh, and did I mention the dream I had where I went into labour 6 weeks early? This was even before the water breaking incident. And 6 weeks early is, like, now.

June 4, 2008

Bedrest: Home vs Hospital

Home (pros):
In my own place, sleep in my own bed
Get to see Elliot/Jay
My computer, TV etc
Time to read/rest/etc
Fresh air

Cons:
Get to see Elliot but can't do much with him
Less careful about following bedrest rules
Get to watch someone else parent my son
Feel like I have to keep up with the cleaning/cooking - or not doing it and seeing the filth rise up around me
Feel like shit for sitting on my butt reading instead of playing with Elliot or doing housework

Hospital (pros):
Much more likely to adhere to bedrest
Daily check ups to make sure Boo is ok - peace of mind
Guilt free reading/resting
They bring me food whenever I want

Cons:
Stale air
Don't see Elliot much at all (2 hours per day, roughly)
Hospital food isn't fantastic
Boredom
Have to pay for phone/TV/internet
Longer hours to pay for the nanny
Harder on Jay



So, I'm 34 weeks now, according my doctors (which is a week shy of MY dates), which means only 2 more weeks of this bedrest.

I am on my feet for a huge part of the day. Jay gets Elliot changed when he wakes up, around 7, then I come downstairs with him and give him his snack while Jay gets ready for work. I'm usually at my computer at that point. When Jay comes downstairs, I move to the couch for maybe 30 minutes. Jay is out the door by 8:30, I get Elliot his breakfast and eat something too... then we watch TV until the nanny gets here around 9:20. That's when I head upstairs to shower, etc.

N puts Elliot down for a nap around 11, and I usually go lay down in my bed then, too (which is on the second floor.) I get up and make myself lunch around 1, and N does the same for Elliot whenever he gets up. I move to the couch at this point and then they usually gear up and go for a walk or run errands until 4:30ish.

N leaves at 5:30. Elliot and I read books or sit on the front steps watching traffic for a while, then he watches TV while I get supper ready. Elliot eats around 6:15. I move to the couch when Jay gets home around 6:45. Depending on what's in the house, either Jay and I eat then, or he's stopped at the store to pick something up for us to make later. Sometimes Elliot and I go out to the front step to wait for Jay, other times, Jay gets home in time to clean Elliot up and get him out of his chair. They wrestle and have playtime until 7:30, when Jay gets the bath ready. I go up and sit on the floor to watch. I read the bedtime story and Jay tucks him in. Then we come downstairs to either cook and eat our own supper, or we watch TV for a bit.

During the day, I've been either dragging a chair over to the sink to wash dishes or scrubbing the toilet/tub while sitting on the floor or doing laundry. (I get someone to carry it to/from the washer in the basement, though.) Usually, I only do one of those things per day.

Really, the only thing modified about my bedrest is that I don't pick Elliot up unless I'm sitting down, and I don't lift him in or out of his crib. I also don't go for walks (which is hard, since I walk everywhere and enjoy it.) Everything else is pretty much business as usual.

But, I haven't been sleeping well at night. I'm at that nausea-before/after-eating stage of pregnancy, and I'm getting over-emotional. (I've had breaks downs the last 2 mornings - poor Jay.) So I know I'm overdoing things. But as much as I know Boo needs me to do this and as lazy-natured a person I am, I'm finding it hard to sit still and do nothing. That's the main reason I think I'd do better in the hospital - it would force me to do nothing. But the downside of being in the hospital is pretty big, so I want to avoid that.

Bah!!!!

June 3, 2008

So, somehow, the word 'truck' has morphed into "co-co". He can still say truck, and will repeat it back to you, but whenever he sees one, or is playing with his toys, it's a 'fire co-co' or 'BIG CO-COs!!!" No idea how or why this change happened, but it's pretty new.

He's doing this adorable thing where he reverses the syllables in words. The Backyardigan's Austin is "Autis', 'penis" is now "pensi" and words that end in "r" (door, more etc) now end with "ee" (do-ee, mo-ee). I'd read about kids doing this, and it sounds so cute! We just make sure to say the word correctly - "Yes, that's your penis." "Yes, you can have more milk." "That IS a big truck!".

June 1, 2008

It was bed time and Elliot was stalling by running into M's room. I followed him in, just in time for him to grab a mostly full glass of water and knock it over. Luckily, it didn't flood any of the electronic equipment. I picked Elliot up and held on to him for about a minute while Jay and M tried to find a towel. Then I realized what I was doing - picking Elliot up from a standing position and carrying him around is very much a no-no for modified bed rest!! (I toe the lines by picking him up when I'm sitting!)

I totally forgot all about bed rest! I put him down, and made sure to rest a bit more on the couch last night. I shouldn't have done it, but it's good to know that things have sealed up sufficiently that picking him up once didn't rupture anything. Not that I'll do it again, but it was a reassuring moment.