Ugh. Yesterday sucked ass.
Elliot refused to nap. So he didn't. I was having very intense desires to beat the crap out of him that really scared me, so I called Jay and he came home from work. Took E for a walk, etc. No nap. My mom showed up around 4:30 to visit for a bit and drop off her car for us to use this weekend. She was surprised Jay was home and when I told her why, she said that "it's a phase, you'll get used to 2 kids." I reminded her that she used to smack us around with whatever she could: wooden spoons, vinyl siding, empty plastic bottles, etc. I told her I didn't want to raise my kids that way. (To which she replied that was good, but things like this were cyclical - Elliot would likely raise his kids like that because he didn't experience it. Whatever. I digress.)
So, early supper and bath last night. Felix fell asleep in Jay's arms so I decided to to the bath for a change. Well, what a mistake that was. Screaming fit when I tried to brush his teeth, which escalated into uncontrollable meltdown by time he got in the tub. I didn't even do his full bath - just the essentials, then pulled him out, hysterical (and then even more so because he wanted to get back in) and we rocked on the bathroom floor, him screaming and sobbing (the not-able-to-breath kind) the whole time. At one point, he fell asleep mid-scream, but then started up again the second I tried to lay him down to get him dressed.
We made it into his room where he remained hysterical. He finally calmed down enough that he heard me when I offered 'mama milk', and he nursed. We rocked some more and he finally fell asleep.
This whole time, Felix had woken up and was shrieking like a banshee downstairs. Jay was trying everything with no luck.
Elliot didn't sleep well. Had a coughing fit around 1am and it took about an hour to resettle. Woke up a bit earlier than usual, but wouldn't go back to sleep as his diaper had leaked. Then he zoomed around here for an hour as if he was high on caffeine.
I HATE meltdowns. The only good thing about them is that I know they're not in his control and so I don't have that urge to kill him, only to soothe. Tantrums, on the other hand, make me want to smack him into tomorrow.
Showing posts with label Behaviour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Behaviour. Show all posts
Friday, October 10, 2008
Monday, August 18, 2008
August 18, 2008
Today was actually ok. It started out fine, went to hell in the middle, and then we had a pleasant afternoon. But for a while there in the middle when both kids were screaming blue murder at the same time while Elliot rubbed peanut butter all over his face and then balled up his sandwich and threw it on the floor then tried to bite me and then attempted to smother Felix while laughing, I thought I might just kill him.
The actual adjustment of having a newborn again has been easy. When I look back on the days when Elliot was a newborn and I think about how stressed and scared we were, I have to chuckle a bit.
What's hard is dealing with Elliot as he struggles with his role as a big brother. The tantrums, the jealousy, the hitting/biting/pinching. He loves Felix, but he wants to hurt him when he's mad at us for not being able to drop everything and play with him like we used to.
I can't put Felix down anywhere and step out of the room to wash my hands or get a drink if Elliot isn't strapped into something or asleep because he will lunge at Felix. He starts off gentle enough, but that soon turns into face-clawing and it happens so fast that I can barely prevent it. Or he throws toys into the playpen at the baby or tries to climb into the swing on top of him. We've tried ignoring it, time outs, scolding, yelling, re-direction, rationalizing, bribing... nothing is effective. I know he's not doing it to be malicious. Yes, he's doing it on purpose, but it's for attention. Not because he wants to hurt Felix. I hope.
Felix wants to sleep on me, all the time. It's hard to put him down and have him stay asleep. I remember this with Elliot, too, but it's harder now that I can't just sit around and watch TV all day. Poor Felix has had to lay there crying more times than I'd care to admit, getting madder and madder and surely the neighbours are going to call child services on me, simply because I need to change/discipline/feed/play with Elliot for a few minutes. I can't be holding on to one while trying to lift the other into the highchair. Or up and down the stairs. Or changing diapers. Or going to the bathroom myself. Sure, I have several carriers (which are awesome!) but it's not convenient for every-minute-of-my-day use.
I bought a double stroller the other day because I just can't be tethered to my kids 24/7 anymore. I told Jay that I liked the feeling that I could just walk away from the kids while we were out - not that I ever would, but having it as an option, instead of having one of them strapped to me, is appealing.
Back to Elliot - he's really acting out. Not just with the hurting of Felix, but in other areas. Lots of control things and so many tantrums. I expected that, but I don't know how to deal with it. There's also the fact that he's almost 2 and is going through developmental things at the same time as adjusting to being an older brother. Everyone keeps saying it's a phase and it will pass. Of course it will, but when? And how do I deal with it in the meantime? I am so frustrated with Elliot most of the time. I just want to hit him when he's whining or hitting/biting me or throwing his entire supper on the floor... and I HATE that feeling.
Both children (and Jay) want and need so much from me and it's more than I have to give right now. And I'm not able to spend much one-on-one time with either child (or Jay, or myself), so bonding with Felix is difficult and giving attention to Elliot in the quality/quantity he's used to and deserves, just isn't possible. So I have to split my time and end up not being able to focus on anyone, and everyone is cranky and neglected, including myself. I just want to run away.
I'm scared of Post Partum Depression, although I'm 99% positive that it's just sleep deprivation I'm struggling with right now. I don't have a good support system in place and I suck at asking for help when/if I need it. I bought a bottle of Grand Cosmopolitan at the liquor store the other day. I've only had 3 small glasses (1 per night, within a safe BFing time frame, when Jay is home, yadda yadda) but can really see how easy it would be to become a lush mama.
Which brings me to my husband. I love having him home on the weekends, but he makes things worse. He's great at being another pair of hands, at playing with Elliot, at changing diapers and cleaning up... but he loses patience and his temper waaaay faster than me and yells. Which makes me feel like crap and not be able to relax and not want to leave him with the kids. I deal with both kidlets all day long, 5 days a week, usually by myself. He can't deal with them for 30 minutes without yelling at Elliot. (To be fair, Elliot is testing his boundaries with Jay because he's not with him as frequently as I am.)
Don't get me wrong, I know it will get better, but right now, I do regret having them this close... We planned to have 2 this close together so they could grow up together and always have each other... but it's going to be a while before I can enjoy it and much longer before they can enjoy each other. Every day I have to tell myself if I can get through just one more day, things will be different.
All normal stuff, right?? *sigh*
The actual adjustment of having a newborn again has been easy. When I look back on the days when Elliot was a newborn and I think about how stressed and scared we were, I have to chuckle a bit.
What's hard is dealing with Elliot as he struggles with his role as a big brother. The tantrums, the jealousy, the hitting/biting/pinching. He loves Felix, but he wants to hurt him when he's mad at us for not being able to drop everything and play with him like we used to.
I can't put Felix down anywhere and step out of the room to wash my hands or get a drink if Elliot isn't strapped into something or asleep because he will lunge at Felix. He starts off gentle enough, but that soon turns into face-clawing and it happens so fast that I can barely prevent it. Or he throws toys into the playpen at the baby or tries to climb into the swing on top of him. We've tried ignoring it, time outs, scolding, yelling, re-direction, rationalizing, bribing... nothing is effective. I know he's not doing it to be malicious. Yes, he's doing it on purpose, but it's for attention. Not because he wants to hurt Felix. I hope.
Felix wants to sleep on me, all the time. It's hard to put him down and have him stay asleep. I remember this with Elliot, too, but it's harder now that I can't just sit around and watch TV all day. Poor Felix has had to lay there crying more times than I'd care to admit, getting madder and madder and surely the neighbours are going to call child services on me, simply because I need to change/discipline/feed/play with Elliot for a few minutes. I can't be holding on to one while trying to lift the other into the highchair. Or up and down the stairs. Or changing diapers. Or going to the bathroom myself. Sure, I have several carriers (which are awesome!) but it's not convenient for every-minute-of-my-day use.
I bought a double stroller the other day because I just can't be tethered to my kids 24/7 anymore. I told Jay that I liked the feeling that I could just walk away from the kids while we were out - not that I ever would, but having it as an option, instead of having one of them strapped to me, is appealing.
Back to Elliot - he's really acting out. Not just with the hurting of Felix, but in other areas. Lots of control things and so many tantrums. I expected that, but I don't know how to deal with it. There's also the fact that he's almost 2 and is going through developmental things at the same time as adjusting to being an older brother. Everyone keeps saying it's a phase and it will pass. Of course it will, but when? And how do I deal with it in the meantime? I am so frustrated with Elliot most of the time. I just want to hit him when he's whining or hitting/biting me or throwing his entire supper on the floor... and I HATE that feeling.
Both children (and Jay) want and need so much from me and it's more than I have to give right now. And I'm not able to spend much one-on-one time with either child (or Jay, or myself), so bonding with Felix is difficult and giving attention to Elliot in the quality/quantity he's used to and deserves, just isn't possible. So I have to split my time and end up not being able to focus on anyone, and everyone is cranky and neglected, including myself. I just want to run away.
I'm scared of Post Partum Depression, although I'm 99% positive that it's just sleep deprivation I'm struggling with right now. I don't have a good support system in place and I suck at asking for help when/if I need it. I bought a bottle of Grand Cosmopolitan at the liquor store the other day. I've only had 3 small glasses (1 per night, within a safe BFing time frame, when Jay is home, yadda yadda) but can really see how easy it would be to become a lush mama.
Which brings me to my husband. I love having him home on the weekends, but he makes things worse. He's great at being another pair of hands, at playing with Elliot, at changing diapers and cleaning up... but he loses patience and his temper waaaay faster than me and yells. Which makes me feel like crap and not be able to relax and not want to leave him with the kids. I deal with both kidlets all day long, 5 days a week, usually by myself. He can't deal with them for 30 minutes without yelling at Elliot. (To be fair, Elliot is testing his boundaries with Jay because he's not with him as frequently as I am.)
Don't get me wrong, I know it will get better, but right now, I do regret having them this close... We planned to have 2 this close together so they could grow up together and always have each other... but it's going to be a while before I can enjoy it and much longer before they can enjoy each other. Every day I have to tell myself if I can get through just one more day, things will be different.
All normal stuff, right?? *sigh*
Sunday, August 10, 2008
August 10, 2008
I was chatting with my mom tonight. My sister and I are 16 months apart. Mom says I was 3 before I stopped trying to kill my little sister. Lovely - I guess we might be in this phase for a while.
I've started getting up and moving away from Elliot if/when he's rough, telling him that he can't see/play with Felix when he's mean. It hasn't yet stopped the behaviour, but I think he understands it a bit more now. Especially since if I'm holding Felix and we're playing with Elliot, that means I also get up and leave and don't play with Elliot. I feel mean, but I need to protect Felix.
I've started getting up and moving away from Elliot if/when he's rough, telling him that he can't see/play with Felix when he's mean. It hasn't yet stopped the behaviour, but I think he understands it a bit more now. Especially since if I'm holding Felix and we're playing with Elliot, that means I also get up and leave and don't play with Elliot. I feel mean, but I need to protect Felix.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
July 24, 2008
You know, it's really hard to spend quality time with someone who is intent on biting you, the sofa, his toys, the cats, the chair, himself, basically whatever he can get to his mouth, just because he thinks it's fun. I don't want to spend time with someone who insists on running his hands through a poopy diaper and then through his hair. Or someone who tantrums because the cars won't all fit in a line on the couch and therefore must all pay the penalty which includes being subject to a screaming fit, a biting and most certainly a flinging to their fiery death. It's hard to be excited about someone who is also intent on kicking you in the belly (or hubby in the crotch) during diaper changes or bath time, just for fun. Or ripping out hand-fulls of hair... And someone who wakes up for the day 1-2 hours earlier than normal and who won't go down for a nap until an hour later than normal is not high on my 'want to be with' list.
I hate putting my son in time outs all the time. At least he respects them and stays put, but it doesn't stop the behaviour.
I have a special outing planned for us this afternoon. Going to the Discovery Centre this afternoon, hopefully. I think he'll enjoy it... if he doesn't try to kill me first, that is.
I hate putting my son in time outs all the time. At least he respects them and stays put, but it doesn't stop the behaviour.
I have a special outing planned for us this afternoon. Going to the Discovery Centre this afternoon, hopefully. I think he'll enjoy it... if he doesn't try to kill me first, that is.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
April 6, 2008
Elliotisms...
"Keeess, keeeeeeesssssssss"... frequently followed by pointing at whichever part of himself he just bumped. Sometimes used during diaper changes or baths and accompanied with a rolling of his hips so that his butt faces mostly up. Yep. "Kiss my ass!" Cute.
"Eeeeeye" (Jabs finger in own eye) "awwwwwwww" (arms to chest, chin tucked down coyly) "oooooo" (pointing). Love you too, sweetpea!
Elliot: "Moy! Moy!"
Mama/Daddy: "You can have more playdough/crayons/books after you eat your banana/cracker/lunch."
Elliot: (very wet and muffled) "Moy? Moy!!"
Mama/Daddy "Well I didn't mean cram all your food in at once. Oh well, you're done eating now. Yes, we can play."
Elliot: "Waaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!"
Mama/Daddy: "It's 4/5/6am. Why are you awake?"
Elliot: (Head tucked down coyly) "Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii! Keeeessss! Milk. DOWN!!"
"Dooka dooka dooka dooka DOOOOOKa." No idea. But he says it a lot. I say it back. We have a great conversation.
Thud/crash/splat
Mama/Daddy: Elliot, why did you throw your food/cup on the floor? Does it go there?
Elliot: "In mouth." (Finger jabs into mouth) " No floor." (Vehement head shake)
Mama/Daddy: "That's right. Not on the floor."
Elliot: "Mess!"
Mama/Daddy: "That's right. What a mess. Is that good or bad?"
Elliot: "Baaaaad."
Mama/Daddy: "And what do you say when you make a mess?"
Elliot: "So-eeeee."
Mama/Daddy: "Thank you for being sorry, Elliot."
Thud/crash/splat
.... and it continues.
"Walk. Walk. Walk Now. NOW. Walk. Now. Walk Now."
"Banana. Now. Now Banana. Banana NOW."
Oh boy!
"Keeess, keeeeeeesssssssss"... frequently followed by pointing at whichever part of himself he just bumped. Sometimes used during diaper changes or baths and accompanied with a rolling of his hips so that his butt faces mostly up. Yep. "Kiss my ass!" Cute.
"Eeeeeye" (Jabs finger in own eye) "awwwwwwww" (arms to chest, chin tucked down coyly) "oooooo" (pointing). Love you too, sweetpea!
Elliot: "Moy! Moy!"
Mama/Daddy: "You can have more playdough/crayons/books after you eat your banana/cracker/lunch."
Elliot: (very wet and muffled) "Moy? Moy!!"
Mama/Daddy "Well I didn't mean cram all your food in at once. Oh well, you're done eating now. Yes, we can play."
Elliot: "Waaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!"
Mama/Daddy: "It's 4/5/6am. Why are you awake?"
Elliot: (Head tucked down coyly) "Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii! Keeeessss! Milk. DOWN!!"
"Dooka dooka dooka dooka DOOOOOKa." No idea. But he says it a lot. I say it back. We have a great conversation.
Thud/crash/splat
Mama/Daddy: Elliot, why did you throw your food/cup on the floor? Does it go there?
Elliot: "In mouth." (Finger jabs into mouth) " No floor." (Vehement head shake)
Mama/Daddy: "That's right. Not on the floor."
Elliot: "Mess!"
Mama/Daddy: "That's right. What a mess. Is that good or bad?"
Elliot: "Baaaaad."
Mama/Daddy: "And what do you say when you make a mess?"
Elliot: "So-eeeee."
Mama/Daddy: "Thank you for being sorry, Elliot."
Thud/crash/splat
.... and it continues.
"Walk. Walk. Walk Now. NOW. Walk. Now. Walk Now."
"Banana. Now. Now Banana. Banana NOW."
Oh boy!
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
September 19, 2007
Elliot's always been aggressive in his love for other babies. pulls their hair while trying to kiss them, etc. today we stopped by my old office for a visit. my bosses daughter was there - she's a week older than Elliot. Elliot had their almost 4 year old son running away saying "don't let the wrestler get me!", and then he started pulling the little girls hair. then, he leaned over to kiss the girl but started pulling her hair again as well. i reach in, saying "gentle!", as usual and she starts shrieking. i manage to get his hands off her head and pull him away only to see perfect and deep teeth impressions in her cheek, up near her eye. (Elliot has 8 teeth, and i could see all of them on her skin.)
the indentations very slowly filled in, leaving a white fan shape where the marks were. it was so obviously a big bite. she cried for a long time. (and this is a baby with an older brother - she's used to rough-housing.)
i felt like crap - and still do. i apologized profusely and firmly scolded Elliot the second i saw it... but how do i handle this? i'm sure it will happen again. i hate being known as the mom with the brute, but that's what i seem to have - and now i have a BITING bully who hopefully means well - but who manages to make all kids (older and younger) cry when he's near.
ugh.
the indentations very slowly filled in, leaving a white fan shape where the marks were. it was so obviously a big bite. she cried for a long time. (and this is a baby with an older brother - she's used to rough-housing.)
i felt like crap - and still do. i apologized profusely and firmly scolded Elliot the second i saw it... but how do i handle this? i'm sure it will happen again. i hate being known as the mom with the brute, but that's what i seem to have - and now i have a BITING bully who hopefully means well - but who manages to make all kids (older and younger) cry when he's near.
ugh.
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