Jay is out of work. This makes him very cranky as the bills are piling up and he HATES to be in debt. And he hates the uncertainty. And he does not handle well under stress.
I'm working pretty much full time hours from 2 jobs. This week, I'll log 34 hours from Mon-Sat. This means Jay is home with Elliot. He is not yet totally cut out for the full time dad thing. He's cranky. Impatient with Elliot. Cranky at me. I tell him what my hours are for the next day and he just sighs, thinking about all the stuff (freelance work and creative Jay-time stuff) he won't get to do.
Oh, and did I mention how hugely opposed he is to daycare???
Bottom line, he's out of work, I'm making a bit of money and he needs to suck it up. I did this for 16 freaking months - 2 of which were on my own, while I was in school. I just can't point that out because he gets super defensive and the last thing we need is to be fighting about this. It's a crappy situation all around and I don't know how to make it better.
If Jay finds work (he's looking) then that means I will have to quit my jobs and lose out on that income as well as any maternity benefits for this baby. (I need to log 600 hours between now and babytime to get EI.) OR that means we'll need to find childcare. Which he doesn't want to do.
As much as I wanted to be a stay-at-home-mom, I am enjoying working. If all I had to deal with was the exhaustion from working 30 hour weeks, then I'd be fine. But I can't deal with my husband on top of it. We're reaching the point where I don't want to leave him with Elliot. Not that I feel he would hurt or neglect him at all, but his own internal anger and impatience cannot be a positive thing for Elliot to be exposed to.
I'm sure most of what Jay expresses is just venting, but still... I can't deal with it without venting myself, and I don't feel I can vent to him. *sigh*
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